Most married Christians promise never to use the "D" word. Before God, they vow to love and to cherish one another until death due them part. They have embraced one another every night for what feels like an eternity. They have lived for what seems like a lifetime praising God for one another's presence, health and well-being. They have shared highs and lows. The two are guilty of wiping the dirt off the other following a fall and kissing every wound until it is healed. They have shared their bliss with other couples and been an example of God's expression of love on earth. Many have sought them out for the answer to a happy marriage. They have been asked to share the words of wisdom that God has whispered in their ears to sustain their marriage. They have learned, explored, laughed, cried, changed and grown together. They have raised a family and directed them in the way they should go, by gathering them around the table, clarifying scripture and rearing them to seek ye first the kingdom of God.
Then one day….. one cuts the other so deep with words or action that the union appears to be irreparable. The wound is so deep because, the hurt feels personal and intentional. Both began to entertain thoughts like "maybe this isn't the person for me?" How can a person love someone and hurt them simultaneously (this can't be love)." "I will be better by myself." "The kids will get over it." "I just can't stay in this marriage and allow someone to treat me with such disrespect." "I have given all that I have to my spouse and if that is not enough I am done." Both are seeking within themselves the answer to the question: How can someone who knows all of my weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and wounds use words or actions to assault me to the point that I feels like the very air that I breathe is no longer available to me?
When Christians Collide in Marriage: God is the only answer. God loves His bride, the church and he wants nothing more than to show a husband how to love his bride the way that he loves the church. GOD LOVES THE CHURCH, yes, he loves the church that has lied to him, forsaken him, and committed adultery against him. Yes, he loves the church that has mocked him, broken promises to him and cut him deeper than man's understanding of how deep a wound can go. God also loves the groom. God desires for the groom to be a mirror of himself (The Groom). God sent his son Jesus to die for the sole purpose of every groom becoming a replica of him.
Shhh, lets listen as God speaks, he is the only solution. If you can relate to any part of the above listen and do the following:
- Submit yourself under the mighty hand of God and you will be exalted in due time (I Peter 5:6). That means stop explaining, stop complaining, stop retaliating, and stop justifying your words and or your action. Just submit to God!!!!!!! (Husbands and Wives). Trust God to be your defense and not allow you to be taken advantage of.
- Let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ (Philippians 1:27). That means strive to look and act like Christ daily. Meditate on his word. Let every word that proceed out of your mouth be acceptable unto God. Be kind, and loving towards your spouse with a servant's attitude (this is not contingent on whether or not your spouse deserves it).
- Above all love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sin (I Peter 4:8) . Reignite the love of God in your marriage. Do what you know your spouse enjoys: Rub feet, have a candlelight dinner, affirm your spouses, cook your spouse's favorite meal, say please a thank you, take a short weekend getaway to relax. Do not discuss anything heavy on your get away, set aside time to just laugh.
- Stand united with your spouse and God in speech and action (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Do not allow anyone, (correct or incorrect) to speak against your spouse or your marriage.
- Trust God with your future (Jeremiah 29:11). Don't worry about tomorrow allow yourself to be directed by the Holy Spirit one day at time.
- Declare that divorce is not an option (Mark 10:9). If God put you together give it all you have to make it work. It is worth, breaking the generational curse of divorce and storing up for your family the blessing of unity and marriage.
Rev. Kimberly Thorpe LMSW